Me and You
by Stealthmuffin
Summary: A collection of crackships: “We can be everything, we can be nothing, we can be the stars and the moon and the sun and everyone can wish on us,” he touches my face. Alice & Jacob
1. Caller Number Seven: Angela & Emmett

**Caller Number Seven: Angela & Emmett**

--

Angela always liked listening to the radio.

She'd get home from school, pull out her homework, sit right next to the radio and turn it on. The music worked to calm her and to soothe her in ways that she never thought possible. She felt like she was being told a story through the music that played, and she loved listening to the hosts of some of the radio stations; they were funny and very personable.

She sometimes dreamed of being one of those hosts—crazy, she told herself; unimaginable.

… But the dream was still there.

"Hello," she'd say; "congratulations, Caller Number Nine! You win the awesome prize of—!" And then she'd announce the prize and be able to chuckle at how happy and excited she'd made one winner.

She sighed and turned back to her work, knowing that she wouldn't ever gather the courage to do something like being a radio host; too shy and nervous, like a frightened kitten.

--

Emmett liked listening to the radio.

He didn't know why he did it, but he loved it. He loved listening to the hosts speak somehow, because they were all a very happy group of people, always happily talking without a care in the world, and it was nice to know that some people could do that.

Even though he was missing out on it, some people could be happy and cheerful and discuss things so openly. If he weren't so at-risk of being discovered or letting something slip, he might like to try and be a radio host sometime.

"… And the seventh caller to get through will be lucky enough to win a tour of our place and have a chance to be on air with us!" they announced, and Emmett jumped at the opportunity. He picked up a phone and dialled the station's number, only to be put on hold.

As he waited he continued to listen to the radio, only to hear that someone had already won. He sighed, putting the phone back down onto its receiver, silently cursing whoever won.

--

Angela picked up the phone and dialled the radio station's number, wanting to request a song. She must have dialled the wrong number, however, since she was immediately answered with a "Congratulations!"

"Caller Number Seven, you have just won yourself a tour of our radio tower and a chance to be on air with the rest of us!" said the announcer.

--

**AN:** I couldn't help it. : )

A collection of one-shot crack-ships. I simply adore crack ships; can't live without them. They make my world go 'round and 'round. I just wish they got more loving sometimes. :heart:

This was a request made by my good friend and LJ-wife, _SpiritualEnergy_. An **Emmett/Angela** with the theme of **Radio**. You may request any kind of crack-ship of your own, of course, and please give the following information with your request:

_Which characters to focus on:  
Theme/phrase/something:_**  
Since this is a collection of crack-ships, do not request anything canon. Thank you.**

Not too many requirements, are there? : ) Doesn't have to be in that find of structure, but eh. I like it when I'm given a phrase or a theme to use; I get the warm-fuzzies at the sight of a challenge. : )

**I own my own copies of the books, but Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. : )**


	2. Mud Pies: Jessica & Jacob

**Mud Pies**

--

Jessica was the kind of girl who always hated such things as dirt and mud and all things gross. The fact was that she was a very hygienic person; she already showered twice a day, and she did not like having to shower more than that.

That being said, she did _not_ appreciate the mud that spattered all over her clothes. She was pretty sure that some of it got into her _hair_, too. She'd have to wash it and style it and everything before her date with Mike Newton, and she just did not want to have to do it again. It was annoying for a girl like her, whose hair was not naturally straight, to have to re-do her hair with only _three hours_ before the actual date.

Especially not when she had to look amazing enough to drive all thoughts of (sweet, perfect, amazing) Isabella Swan out of his (beautiful) head.

"Mom!" she shouted. Jessica slammed the door and stormed up the stairs angrily. "Mom!" she repeated even more loudly, sounding completely savage. "My hair was messed up because somebody got _mud_ in it. We only have _three hours_ to make it perfect!"

She stomped into the bathroom, shedding her clothes and stepping into the warm shower. She let the warm water soothe her and calm her raging temper, because she didn't want Mike Newton to think that she was so incredibly beastly. She closed her eyes and took deep, relaxing breaths, before grabbing her shampoo and starting to work on her (wet, limp, flat) hair.

She couldn't have Mike Newton think of her as a mud-monster.

She snorted as an idea formed in her mind. A three-year-old Jessica and a three-year-old Mike Newton playing together, like the cute children they were. (Three-year-old Isabella Swan could _never_ be _that_ cute, she decided.) Three-year-old Jessica was just the cutest darn thing in the world, so three-year-old Mike Newton was clearly very lucky to have her attention, and he should know.

Three-year-old Mike Newton did know, and, to show her his affection, he made her a pie. But not just _any_ pie; a _mud_ pie!

She laughed again at the (ludicrous, absurd, weird) idea. Mike Newton, both child and teenager, knew very well that mud pies were not the way to a woman's heart.

--

Jessica was thoroughly disappointed by her date with Mike Newton. The entire time, all he could talk about was Isabella Swan.

"Your haircut is nice," she'd say; "Not nice enough for Bella to notice," he'd answer.

"You look really good tonight," she'd offer; "You think Bella would like to see me in this?" he'd answer.

It got to the point where she threw up her hands and asked him if he even wanted to be on this date with her. He looked at her, startled for a moment, before smiling and saying: "Of course, why else would I be here?"

As much as she wanted to believe it, she just couldn't.

When they left the restaurant, she asked if he'd wait for her a minute. She went to the side of the road and asked him if he'd like dessert. Before he could answer, she stuffed mud in his mouth and told him to eat some mud pie and go crying to Isabella Swan, if he liked her so much.

She got into her car (since they didn't go to the restaurant together) and drove herself to Chief Swan's house. She slammed her car door shut when she was out of the car and stomped to the door (anger, frustration, rage). She knocked hard on the door and waited for an answer, tapping her foot (impatiently, annoyingly, tiredly) while she waited.

She had no idea what she was doing there, but she was acting on an impulse by that point; she wanted to speak to Bella _now_.

The door was opened by a (tall, dark, handsome) boy, and her anger melted away quickly. _Well hel__lo__._ He looked quite delicious.

"Um. Did you want something, or…?" he asked, tilting his head (cutely) to the side. He took up the entire door frame with his massive build, and she wondered briefly what it would be like to be able to _touch_ those arms.

Her mouth went dry. "Uh—is Bella here?" she asked, staring into his big, dark eyes. It was like they saw into her _soul_. Creepy, beautiful—wonderful.

She couldn't remember what she'd knocked at the door for.

"Jessica? What are you doing here?" Bella stood in the doorway, her hair (perfectly) shiny, her (pretty) eyes wide and curious. Her (small, slender, beautiful) hand was on the door frame and she leaned her (amazing, slim, gorgeous) body against the door.

"Who was _that_ that opened the door?" she asked, all (bitter, angry, jealous) thoughts of Bella leaving her mind completely. "And what does your boyfriend think about it?" (Nosy, nosy, nosy.)

"Oh—just a friend of mine. Jacob Black," Bella said, shrugging her (small, round, cute) shoulders. "Did you want something?" She blinked (prettily, confusedly, curiously) and stared at Jessica.

"Nope," Jessica said (airily, naturally, convincingly), and she turned around and walked to her car before getting in and driving away.

_Jacob Black_.

She wouldn't mind taking a mud pie from _him_.

--

**AN:** Because the wife said so, here's a nice little **Jacob/Jessica** for you. The theme to use was "mud pies", and, well… there are mud pies! : )

Hum… if you'd like to see any pairing, I'd be happy to do it. Just, once again, **no canon pairings at all**. Any kind of crack-ship is welcomes with open arms, though. : ) I like to see what you guys can come up with for pairings. ; )

**I own a nice frilly pink pillow that, no matter how ugly it is, is nice and comfy. But I don't own Twilight. C'est la vie.**


	3. Electricity: Leah & Jasper

**Electricity**

--

She tries her best not to blink.

When she blinks, her eyes close and an image passes by so quickly like lightning. He's so cold that it's enough to make her shiver _but it also means that they're made for each other because she can warm his cold heart and he can cool her fiery temper_.

When she's faced with any kind of darkness, she thinks of that image.

It's not her fault, really. It was one dream that _one_ time… and she can't get it out of her head. The touching and the feeling and the _short breaths_ and the surprise and the _stop it Leah you're being ridiculous_.

During power outages, she gets annoyed.

_She melts into his touch._ It's embarrassing. Very embarrassing. It makes her hot(ter) all over and she bends to his touch like water to an electrically charged object. His hands are experts and know _just where to go_ to make her moan throatily and keep going back for more.

She doesn't know if she regrets that dream or not.

She can feel the shock between them like magic—_don't say that: all magic does is ruin a relationship and leave one person bitter_—and it's scary and confusing and _you're such an idiot stop messing everything up all the time_.

She compares herself to a tree sometimes.

In a thunder storm—_dreams of touching and sweating and moaning and loving_—the lightning—_colder than ice but makes her so wonderfully hot_—strikes down the tree. The tree lies destroyed while the lightning goes on with its wonderful life with its cute girlfriend and its controlled emotions.

So she tries not to go into dark places. She tries not to blink. She runs from power outages. She hides from her dreams because they confuse her already broken heart and she doesn't know if she wants it to be fixed. If it's fixed she has to face everything and she's _so scared_ of that that she doesn't know if she can.

She runs from him because she knows that he's the only one who can turn her around. He's the warm to her cold; the light to her dark. (_Funny how they've got it so backwards…_)

He's the Jasper to her Leah.

--

**AN:** Totally my lame attempt at being hot. Leah has a dirty mind. : ) For _Krum Cake_, who wanted me to write a **Jasper/Leah** with a theme of **electricity**. I was a total cool kid and used **static electricity** (bending water) and **thunder storms (lightning)**. I know. I know. I'm so cool.

Well. It was a try. Was it a good one? I'll let you decide for me. : )

Next up is: Angela/Seth (_time_ or _race_) for **Nhler17**! : )

**I own a really cute plaid fall jacket that I'm like half in love with, but I don't own Twilight!**


	4. Race: Angela & Seth

**Race**

--

It's a simple game of one-two, one-two.

Left leg, right leg. One, two. One, two. Left leg, right leg.

Run. Swing your arms. And don't forget to breathe steadily. One, two. One, two. There's the finish line. It's right up ahead. Don't lose focus. Don't lose focus. Don't—_one, two. One, two._

Beaten once again. Left behind in the race. Everybody has beaten her _once again_. There's Bella with her Edward and Lauren with her Tyler; Jessica with her Mike but no more Ben for Angela; he's gone now. Moved away and doesn't believe in long-distance. If it's meant, it's meant and they'll meet again; if it isn't, "thanks for the great time, never see you again!".

It's tiring. Not so much that she's alone; she doesn't mind that. No. It's the way that she was left. It's the way that everybody else has somebody so that she has nobody to talk to on Friday nights. She has nobody to see, nothing to look forward to.

It's… boring. And weird. And not wanted because who wants that?

So she gets right up and tries again.

One-two, one-two.

She wonders if she'll win this time.

--

Seth has never really cared about imprinting.

It's just never been that big of a deal to him. Maybe because he's never been all that interested in women—he doesn't know. But the point is, it never really mattered to him.

Until he saw how happy everyone was after they'd imprinted.

Paul and Jacob and Sam and Quil and _Embry with Leah_. They were all so happy, in the end. He was the only one now. Maybe not the last to imprint, but the last to be so _alone_. In a race, he was the last to make it to the finish line and… he doesn't like it. He doesn't like coming in last place. First place is where he should be. _First_.

He does this a lot. He runs and races a lot and tries to beat everyone because he's just _not that pathetic_ and has to show them.

He stands up and he goes. He runs. He sprints. One, two. One, two.

And then he falls and they all keep running.

Except for one.

She has a nice, pretty face. Honest. She's standing with him and offers to help him up.

Seth takes her hand and, hand-in-hand, they walk to the finish line.

One, two. One, two.

--

**AN:** Hee! I have no idea how this one will be taken, but I like the way it ended. : ) Just my own honest opinion, naturally. Thanks for taking the time to read and, once again, feel free to leave me any more requests! You can all make as many as you'd like. : ) This was an _Angela/Seth_ with a theme of race for **Nhler17**. : )

**Next up:** _Sam/Bella_ (moonlight, midnight, and/or secrets) for **Wotcher-Tonks** and a _Quil/Emily_ (polished) for **katana sohma-demon girl**.

**I don't own Twilight, only really cool blooming tea.**


	5. Midnight: Bella & Sam

**Midnight: Bella & Sam**

--

Midnight.

It was such a beautiful time. It was like a meeting between night and day, in a way; although it was technically morning, people still thought of it as night. It was almost magical; two opposites meeting and existing as one, side-by-side.

Perhaps this mystical kind of feel was the reason that it was also known as "the witching hour."

Sam Uley liked to sit outside and wait for midnight to come. Even though nothing looked different, or even felt different, he could always tell somehow that something _was_ different. He could tell by the way the wind hit his face and he felt refreshed, or by the way the crickets chirped and the rain fell quietly. He could always feel it, even though there really was nothing to feel.

Night and day, existing side-by-side for only a few moments. It was like the birth of the world all over again.

--

Bella liked to watch the moon at night. There was something so breathtaking about it, somehow. A beautiful silver orb in the sky, lighting up the darkness. On nights when she was feeling particularly hurt from Edward's sudden flight, she'd drive to the beach at La Push and watch the night from there.

Tonight was one of those nights.

Peace. Alone. Quiet.

She took off her shoes and wandered the beach barefoot, enjoying the waves lapping at her feet. It was refreshing.

She walked along the shoreline for ten minutes before she saw another person who was also enjoying the evening. Curious, she made her way towards the person to see who it was, and she found herself staring at none other than Sam Uley, the alpha of the pack.

"Bella," he said. He nodded in greeting, then turned back to face the moon.

"Sam," she said. "What are you doing here?"

He was silent for a moment, before he turned to her once more. "Don't you think that there's something a little bit special about midnight?"

Bella paused for a second to think about it. "Not... really. It's the start of a new day. What's there to think about?"

Sam didn't say anything for a full minute. Then, he continued. "Midnight is... a time that's almost between morning and night. It's like you're stuck between days, because everybody considers it a night, even if it's really the very early morning of a new day." He brushed some of the hair from his face. "It's like two opposite times of day coming together for just a few minutes. Opposites learning to live together. Day and night. Light and dark."

Bella smiled. "Werewolf and Vampire?"

Sam looked at her with a dead serious look on his face. "Only if by the magic of midnight."

Bella's smile widened and she turned to look back at the moon, enjoying the company of her new friend.

--

**a/n:** just a quick something i threw together. i figured it was long overdue, haha. : ) i hope you liked it! : )

**next up is:** _quil/emily_ (polished) for **katana sohma-demon girl**, and a _jacob/alice_ (heat) for **dyingimmortal**. **i'm still accepting more requests, so anytime you'd like to send any new ones in, i'd be glad to take them! : )**

**i own a bunch of brightly-coloured headbands that i wear and mismatch with everything, but i don't own ****twilight****!**


	6. Polished: Emily & Quil

**Polished: Emily & Quil**

--

"Ow—_stop it_!"

"No, I'm going to make a man out of you yet!"

"MEN DON'T BRUSH THEIR HAIR."

"THEY DO IF THEY'RE NOT CAVEMEN."

"Ooga ooga?"

"Oh, very mature, Quil."

--

Quil regretted his decision to turn to Emily for help almost immediately. He should have realized it when she clapped her hands so excitedly and gave a little giddy giggle. He should have realized it when she started dragging him into the bathroom and sat him down, fully-clothed, in the bathtub.

He should _definitely_ have realized it when she turned the water on and hot water poured from the showerhead onto his head.

And then she took out the hairbrush.

Those things were pure torture devices.

"Oh no way. _No_ way. It's not happening. You are _not_ coming anywhere near my head with that."

She looked slightly put off.

"But Quil—don't you want to look all nice for your first date?"

"Yeah, but I don't want to look like some fruit!"

She looked at him with big eyes and stuck out her lower lip in a pout that probably worked well on _Sam_, but Quil was nowhere near as whipped as his pack leader.

"No. The brush isn't coming anywhere near my hair. That thing is a torture device and you nearly ripped my _head_ off last time you tried to use one. NO."

"Well, maybe if you brushed your hair more _often_, there wouldn't be so many knots, so it wouldn't hurt so much to brush your hair!" Emily lunged at him, brush in hand.

Quil dodged, but Emily got her arms around his legs, dragging him to the ground too. He tried to lift her off of him so that he could get the _hell_ away from her and to safety, but Emily would have none of that. Quicker than he could react, she moved and slid her body up his until she was sitting on his chest and she had the brush yanking through his hair.

"OW. OW. OW. STOP IT. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" Quil yelled, getting his arms up to his head as quick as he could to try and make her let go of the damn brush. "This thing's going to break or something, and then you're going to blame me, and MY HAIR LOOKED FINE ALREADY SO WHY DID I HAVE TO BRUSH IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

Emily spoke between yanks. "Because—you—want—to—look—good—for—your—date! You—asked—for—my—help! You—had—it—coming!"

--

It took an hour, but it was well worth it. With his hair all brushed, it looked so shiny and smooth, and he had to hand it to Emily, she really knew how to dress a kid. He looked damn fine.

"Wow. I never thought I'd see the day... when Quil would look like a _gentleman_."

He kind of wanted to kill Emily.

A lot.

"Shut up."

"I done good," Emily said with a grin. She patted her shoulder as a sign of a job well done.

"I feel like you tried to pull my head off my shoulders. Again."

"Well, it was definitely worth it. You look so proper—so polished!" She clapped her hands giddily again and shoved him out the door. "Now, go get 'em!"

Quil sighed and shuddered at the thought of what Emily would do if he had a _second_ date.

--

**a/n:** this is obviously pre-imprint. i just wanted to write a cute little thing... and my theme was "polished," so instead of going on and on about quil and emily bonding over some polishing, i decided that emily is violent with a hairbrush. and quil is a caveman.

i know it's short. and it's weird. but that doesn't matter. : )

so a quil/emily for _katana sohma-demon girl_. and next? well, i had the order wrong before, when i made my list: i just went through reviews and stuff again, and i just saw that there was one from a long time ago that i never got to: _lauren/emmett_ (clock) for **krum cake**, and then _jacob/alice_ (heat) for **dyingimmortal**, and last is _jacob/leah_ (freedom) for **twilight22lover**. : )

**i own an inflatable penguin, signed by chuck palahniuk, but i don't own ****twilight****. and yes, i really do have that inflatable penguin. : )**


	7. Clock: Lauren & Emmett

**Clock: Lauren & Emmett**

--

Every day is like Cinderella's ball gone horribly wrong.

She gets herself ready and done up and perfect. She spends the better part of an hour making sure that not a hair is out of place on her head, and that it falls so wonderfully around her exquisitely-done face. She always picks out her outfit the night before so that she doesn't have to waste time on it in the morning, and when she leaves her house she really does feel like the belle of the ball.

As she makes her way to the ball, all that she can wonder is what everybody else will look like. Of course, none of them will look as fantastic as she does, because nobody is perfect as she is. Except, perhaps, for her Prince Charming.

And as she waits for him to notice her, she is approached by every other dog in his court, but she kindly refuses them all because she has eyes only for one. She waits for him to arrive each day, and she waits for his crowds of adoring fans to finally give up so that she can see him and he can see her. She knows that she doesn't have all the time in the world, and she doesn't want the clock to run out before he sees her, but he's worth the wait.

She looks down bashfully, as Cinderella is expected to do, and waits for him to approach her and take her into his arms. He's a beautiful, big bear of a man and she knows that he notices her too. She knows and she just wants to be there for him and she wants to kiss him, to kiss him, to kiss him, until he doesn't remember anything except for the way that she feels when she moves against him.

But the story becomes twisted. Time stands still and his eyes look right by her like they usually do, and they fall on the Ugly Stepsister who got a makeover. And the Ugly Stepsister smiles at Prince Charming and takes his hand and captivates him like no one except for Cinderella should.

And then Cinderella wonders what else is different. Maybe she's the one who's not-so-pretty while the Ugly Stepsister is the true belle of the ball. Maybe she's the one who's not-so-great while the Ugly Stepsister is the true princess.

And she watches while the Ugly Stepsister rips apart everything that she's always set up so well, that she plans for. And this happens every single day, without fail, without change. No matter how hard she tries, Cinderella is always outshined by her Not-So-Ugly Stepsister.

The clock strikes midnight and her world crumbles.

--

**AN:** Just a quick something I threw together. (: Honestly, I had no idea where any of this was going until I remembered the theme of clock. And then I decided, "Hey, why not go Disney on everyone's ass?"

So this is the long-awaited _Lauren/Emmett_ with the theme of clock for **Krum Cake**. I sincerely hope that it satisfies her, although I really have no idea if it will. =X

Next up is going to be: _Jacob/Alice_ (heat) for **dyingimmortal**, _Jacob/Leah_ (freedom) for **twilight22lover**, and _Edward/Rosalie_ (forbidden) for **Dance Alice Dance**.

I have to say that I'm excited to write these. And I sincerely hope for more requests to come soon! =3

**I own my super ridiculously thick history textbook, but I don't own Twilight.**


	8. Heat: Alice & Jacob

**Heat: Alice & Jacob**

--

I'm sitting on a soaking-wet swing with a boy who makes my skin _move_ when he looks, moving up and down and higher, and higher and higher until I can touch the stars and see the moon. I want to take him so we can fly and make wishes and dreams come true and be impossible and be _alive_.

"The stars," I say, and I look at him, "the stars and the moon and the sun." His hand is big and mine is small and it's like a fire and we're laughing, and I kind of want to cry because he's so beautiful right now, "we can touch them, we can hold them, we can be them."

He breathes on my face and it's like Halloween and life and colours, "I'll go and get a star and you can make a wish." And I don't tell him that I don't have a wish because I've already got it all and it would break my heart to wish for something I can't have.

I jump off the swing and let myself just fall on the ground and I roll on my back and he's there and he's looking at me, and I want to scream. I scratch my face and look at the clouds and the sky and the universe, and I look at the leaves and the bugs and I'm scared they'll burn me if I touch them.

And then he's on me and he's _crushing_ me, "we should run away." His words are like bullets and they hit me, they hit me, they hit me, and it feels so _good_. "We can be everything, we can be nothing, we can be the stars and the moon and the sun and everyone can wish on us," he touches my face.

It's hot and my skin is peeling and I want him to rip me apart.

"I want to jump and fly and be forever," I say and I reach up and his skin _burns_ me and it's killing me and I feel like there's blood twisting under my skin, everywhere, warming me up and cooling me down, and I feel his heart like a tiger's paws, running.

And then I'm up and I'm running and he's behind me, and I'm laughing and he's all the things that I shouldn't want but do, and maybe that's what makes me feel so crazy. I want to scream until my throat bleeds or until I die, I want to feel alive and I don't want to stop because if I stop my mind can make sense and if that happens then I can't be the stars and the moon and the sun and everything and nothing, and I'm kind of dizzy now.

"I feel dangerous," he says, and then he stops and he sits down and just looks up, up, up, and he sees something that I don't just like I see something that he doesn't, "I want to make you something." He points up at the sky and he traces something in the stars, "a paperclip necklace."

I look away because it hurts to look at him because he's so so so beautiful and alive&warm&everything, and it's like he's everything and I'm not, "and I'll wear it all the time, no one will know, we should run away."

He's on me now like before, but his hand is on my stomach, I see purples and blues and flowers and grass and fire, and he kisses me, "let's do it," I'm drowning. He's burning and fire and intense and he drowns me and I can't do anything.

And I scream and he tears me apart, and I'm burning and he's beautiful, and we're eternity forever the stars the moon the sun nothing everything.

--

**AN:** Any excuse to write these two. I know it doesn't have all that much to do with the theme of 'heat,' and it has more to do with the stars and the moon and the stars and forever, but I did try to slip heat in there with Jacob being hot and burning her.

I also know that the characters are written in a way where they could be anyone. But. I like this, even if it's mixed up and makes no sense and it jumps around a lot and it's messy and not perfect. It's good enough for me. So I hope you enjoy it too. :heart:

Next is going to be: _Jacob/Leah_ (freedom) for **twilight22lover**, _Edward/Rosalie_ (forbidden) for **Dance Alice Dance**, _Jane/Alec_ (envy) for **katana sohma-demon girl**, _Emse/Charlie_ (musicals/travels) for **jimmyhasit**, and _Nahuel/Leah_ (wrestle) for **BOOlexi**! (:

**I own the coolest erasable highlighters EVER. But I don't own Twilight. (:**


End file.
